This is what getting your first order feels like...

Here is what getting your first order feels like.

It feels like losing your breath, your heart racing and getting caught in your throat, nose tingling with emotion, eyes slowly filling up with tears and this feeling of disbelief, vulnerability AND ferocity all at once. It is what I imagine it might feel like when you leap off a cliff and your feet haven’t found the ground yet, and you are saying…”I’m not ready, but this happening right now, I’m doing it, maybe it’s going to be okay, maybe I won’t die, maybe I’ll make it”…and you’re free falling… for just a moment.

15 minutes earlier I was standing in Starbucks waiting for my coffee. This is where I usually choose to catch up on Instagram for some good vibes and morning inspiration, or, if my intention that day is to channel some BOSS GIRL vibes I open my email and try to get in business mode. Today was boss-vibey. In a millisecond I thought maaaaybe I had caught a glimpse of the word ORDER, maybe I didn’t, but maybe I did, maybe it was something I ordered…but as fast as that happened the barista called my name and I closed my phone, gave her the strangest smile (it was some weird crazy smile of hopefulness), took my coffee and left. I drove to the office without looking at my email, and believe me, it begged me to at every red light, but nope. I was as patient as a kid on Santa’s Nice List on Christmas morning. Alright, that might be a tad over-kill. If I’m being totally honest, I think it was more fear than virtue. Truth: I didn’t want to be disappointed.

I pulled up to the office a few minutes later and sat there in my car and reopened my email. There it was. ORDER. My very first order. Like, unprompted, unsolicited, real freaking-life order from someone I hadn’t told I was open for business. Someone had actually gone onto my site, looked around, choose several things and paaaaaaaaid for them. Paid for something I made; something I dreamt up, designed, put my blood, sweat, and tears into…and then put it out there into the big wide world where everyone could see it.  For a perfectionist, this is the equivalent to climbing Mount Everest. 

I sat there for several minutes soaking it in. Sitting perfectly still with a storm of emotion inside. My business friend, Sadie, told me one day a month or two ago when it was getting tough, “I promise, as soon as you get that first order, the energy you feel inside will change, you will notice a huge shift, and you will know you are going to okay.” She was right. Now tears, happy tears sliding down my cheeks. Feeling IMMENSE gratitude. You will be okay, girl. It’s going to be okay.